Rewriting the Rules

By Meg-John Barker (2018)

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Author

Meg-John Barker

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Summary

What the internet says

Aggregated insights from reviews and discussions across the web.

Overall reception: Mostly positive

Rewriting the Rules by Meg-John Barker receives predominantly positive reception across review platforms, with readers praising its thoughtful, non-prescriptive approach to relationships. On Goodreads, the book holds a strong 4.24 average rating from 291 ratings, with 56% of readers giving it 5 stars. Reviewers consistently describe it as transformative and appreciate how it challenges conventional relationship norms around monogamy, gender, sex, and commitment without imposing new rigid rules. Multiple reviewers note it would have been invaluable earlier in their lives, with one stating it should have been "the perfect book as a marriage gift for us ten years ago."

What readers loved

  • Non-judgmental and inclusive approach that validates diverse relationship structures including polyamory, monogamy, and everything in between
  • Challenges readers to question societal 'rules' about relationships without being prescriptive or telling readers what to do
  • Well-researched and academically grounded while remaining accessible and readable for general audiences
  • Includes practical reflection exercises and activities throughout to help readers apply concepts to their own situations
  • Addresses multiple dimensions of relationships including self-relationship, conflict, breakups, commitment, sex, and gender
  • Author demonstrates self-awareness by repeatedly noting the book isn't gospel and different parts will resonate with different readers
  • Useful as an ongoing reference book to revisit rather than just a one-time read

Common critiques

  • Lacks sufficient concrete examples and case studies, making some philosophical concepts difficult to apply to real-life situations
  • The promised practical advice section in the final chapter doesn't fully deliver on expectations built throughout the book
  • Some readers find it leans too heavily toward promoting polyamory with a somewhat negative framing of monogamy
  • Contains elements of 'westernized Buddhism' that may not resonate with all readers
  • The trauma-informed perspective on conflict may not align with established psychological science according to some reviewers
Last updated April 28, 2026 Summary based on publicly available reviews. May not reflect every reader's experience.