DO IT ALONE, BROKE & TIRED: The Real Cost of Success

Building something great often feels like a lonely road. Many ambitious people, whether they’re starting a business or climbing the career ladder, find themselves feeling isolated. It’s a common experience, and you’re definitely not the only one going through it. This isn’t about being antisocial; it’s about the natural consequences of growth and ambition.

• Loneliness is often a side effect of personal and professional growth.
• As you advance, your social circles may shift, and that’s okay.
• The "stake gap" – the increased risk and pressure of ambitious pursuits – can lead to misunderstandings with those around you.
• Positions of power require discretion, limiting your ability to vent freely.
• Success doesn’t automatically cure loneliness; it requires intentional effort.
• Defining the roles of people in your life can manage expectations and reduce disappointment.
• Choosing purposeful loneliness now can lead to a more fulfilling future.
• The most important relationship you can build is with yourself.

It’s tough when you start changing and growing, and your old friends don’t quite get it anymore. You’re excited about your new business or career path, but instead of support, you get judgment or even ridicule. This happened to me in my mid-20s. I was trying to build something new, and my friends, who were comfortable where they were, just didn’t understand. One friend even laughed at me in a group. It hurt, and I realized I was experiencing the "pace gap" – I was moving faster in certain areas of my life than the people around me.

It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours. They’re happy where they are, and you’re ready for more. Sometimes, you have to let go of those friendships, at least for a while, to keep moving forward. Holding onto relationships that hold you back only keeps you stuck. Losing people is a natural part of growth, so try not to feel guilty when your social circles change.

When you start a business or take on bigger projects, the stakes get higher. You’re carrying more risk, more pressure, and more responsibility. This is what I call the "stake gap." Your friends might not understand why you’re so stressed or why you can’t hang out as much. They’re playing a different game, and they don’t want the risk you’ve taken on. This can create a lot of loneliness.

It’s important to remember that you chose to raise the stakes. You wanted to play a bigger game. Taking responsibility for that choice, instead of feeling like a victim, can make it feel a little lighter. The key here is building support systems with people who are in the game with you.

As you move into positions of power, your ability to be completely open with everyone diminishes. It’s not about lying, but it would be irresponsible to share every single thought. If you’re a natural oversharer, you’ll need to learn to curb that. Your team doesn’t need to know every worry or frustration. "Never let them see you sweat" is a good motto.

Confiding in your team members about your problems isn’t appropriate. And while you might think of venting to family or friends, ask yourself: why do they need to carry your burdens? There’s a power gap between you and your team because you have more responsibility and authority, which is isolating. You can’t always share why someone was fired or why a project failed due to legal reasons. Venting needs to be re-evaluated. Find peers, coaches, or mentors who can handle these conversations, but first, figure out why you need to vent. Is it for advice, or just to be heard? Sometimes, just talking it out to yourself or in the car is enough, without dumping it on others who can’t help.

Success and money don’t magically fix loneliness. You need to figure out the roles of the people in your life and build a support system that actually works. What is the real purpose of each person? Writing this down can be eye-opening. For example, your grandma might offer comfort and love, but she doesn’t need to be interested in your business strategy. Your friends are for having fun and being safe, not necessarily for work advice. By reorganizing these roles, you reduce expectations and can be happier with the time you spend with family and friends.

Similarly, you don’t need your coworkers to make you feel comfortable; that’s for family. You want your work colleagues to hold you accountable and push you towards goals.

Would you rather be lonely and successful or lonely and unsuccessful? I’ve asked myself this during intense periods of work where I had no time for friends or family, only for the passion project I was building. It felt incredibly lonely, and I wondered if it would ever be worth it. Years ago, I worked around the clock on a project. Even though I worked with my husband, he couldn’t fully grasp the pressure I was under. I had to solve those problems myself because it mattered to me, our clients, and our team.

The reason people I used to look up to now want to connect, hang out, or collaborate is because I went through those lonely periods to create something I’m proud of. Choosing loneliness with a purpose is much more powerful than tolerating it with regret. Focus on building yourself and your business, and the right people will find you.

This might sound cheesy, but it’s true: you have to be your own best friend. The most powerful relationship you can build is with yourself. If you don’t like yourself, talk poorly to yourself, or don’t believe in yourself, you’ll feel lonely, especially when others don’t understand your journey. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Would you ever say those things to your best friend? Many of us are incredibly harsh on ourselves.

Make a commitment to talk to yourself in a supportive, motivating way. Be honest about your limitations and what you truly want. This self-trust builds confidence and satisfaction that no external relationship can match. It helps you get through times of isolation because loneliness becomes optional when you realize you’re not truly alone if you like yourself. I genuinely love hanging out with myself – a face mask, a bath, a workout, listening to music. Spend time with yourself, reflect, and build towards your goals. That’s how you become your own true friend.